But, I am very lucky to be married to someone as wonderful as he is.
This is also where the best friend theory is blown for me though.
There is something we have been dealing with that affects us as a couple, and he's been wonderful and patient and supportive.
I don't want to get into it right now. It's a lot to deal with, and though I know this is a semi anonymous blog, I don't think I want to actually blog about it at the moment. Something about having this out in the cavern of the internet. Well. I just don't want that right now.
But, this can be a make it or break it, and it seems like it's a "make it". The thing is, with your friends, you don't have to deal with huge life altering decisions. I mean you can, but if you are in a relationship with someone where you are committed and you share stuff (house, finances, space, DVD's) there are topics that you will have to address that you won't with your "best friends".
So maybe your spouse isn't a "best friend", but a whole other kind of friend who stands apart from your other friends for these reasons. And your "best friends" are there for other stuff.
I don't know if this makes any sense, but at the moment, it's the best thing I can think about.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
But, I am very lucky to be married to someone as wonderful as he is.
Posted by Sesheta at 4:33 PM
Thursday, January 23, 2014
I hoped not to make a "whining" post for a bit. And I don't think this one will be too whiney, though some stuff is going on (family stuff, not marriage stuff), and this came to mind.
My mom is extremely old world when it comes to a few things. Not a ton, but some. She's not aware that she's stuck in a mindset that doesn't apply to everyone, and often tries to fit what other people do into her cookie cutter view of how they should be.
So, growing up I was very, very, (veryveryveryveryvery) awkward. I had a lot of trouble keeping friends and talking to people in general. I was very close to my mother at this point in my life. I think part of my problem was that I, her her might have had a specific view of how things should be. I was really intense. I was uncomfortable in my own skin. Etc. etc.
So anyway, the point of this is that what my mother would tell me when I lost a "best friend" was that when I get married, my spouse will be my "best friend".
Fast forward to my marriage. This isn't going to be the same for everyone. Some people might claim that their partner is their best friend. In fact, my husband chose the song, "Lucky" as our first dance which actually has the words, "Lucky I'm in love with my best friend", as the chorus. It's sweet. And depending on how you define "best friend" it could be accurate.
But here's the deal with me.
My husband is my husband. Before that he was my boyfriend, and before that he was my friend (and karate instructor). There is a very deep bond of friendship in our relationship. I love my friends, but I love my husband in a very different way. I would think he would say the same.
I have a few, "best friends". Girls who each have been by my side through several hardships, and situations. Some before I even met Thoth. Some after, and who relate to me in a different way. It might sound weird to say I have a few, "best friends", but I do. They are closest to me for who they are and what we mean to each other.
My husband is closest to me for who he is and what we mean to each other. Our relationship is different from what I share with my "best friends". Now, some of you might say, "Sesheta, if he above all shares a unique friendship with you, doesn't that make him your, 'best friend'". I share a unique relationship with a few people. None of those people are the one I am physically intimate with, or anyone that I make big financial choices with, or discuss the future with. There aren't the people I might have a family with.
What we have is love, and (yes) friendship that reaches beyond others. But he is my husband, too. So that makes it very different.
And that's fine. Because I don't WANT to date my best friends! They are my friends because they lend to me a different type of support than my husband does. And that's healthy! Everyone needs outlets.
So, maybe you would look at this and STILL think that what I described is a best friend. And that's fine. It's totally important to have friendship in your romantic relationships. But to say that you don't need a "best friend" other than your spouse feels a bit off.
Posted by Sesheta at 5:03 AM
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
I might be slower than usual over here in my personal blog, because I have just started reviewing for a professional website.
|A visual of my inner monologue.|
Posted by Sesheta at 8:44 AM
Friday, January 17, 2014
This one is going to be really short, because I am pretty overwhelmed lately.
I have decided I must be in the wrong profession. Apparently the market for erotic e-books dealing with cryptids and extinct animals is the real money maker these days.
No joke. People are buying this:
Posted by Sesheta at 4:49 AM
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Upon this year's bi-annual Twilight Zone marathon, I actually got to see an episode that I had never seen before.
It wasn't a great episode, so I didn't feel as if I had been cheated out of this great thing up until now, but it interested me because it resembled one of my favorite episodes, "Nick of Time".
The "new" episode in question is called, "The Fever", and strangely enough it was actually an earlier episode than "Nick". From what I recall, the episodes with less resonance seem to be in the later seasons. "Fever" was from the first, and yet it felt like a throwaway.
"Nick of Time", on the other hand is a second season episode, and a classic.
What both episodes have in common is a man obsessed with a machine.
Franklin suffers a nervous breakdown where he thinks he sees the machine following him. Flora worriedly tries to calm him down, but Franklin is too far down. He falls to his death from the window of their hotel room. It was obvious that this was going to be his fate. After all, the window was featured behind him about 30 seconds before it happened. It was let out of our sight for a few seconds, but anyone who has watched The Twilight Zone, would have realized that out the window is where Franklin was going.
"Nick of Time" is the other episode with William Shatner. The one that wasn't on the plane. Shatner plays Don who is traveling by car with his girlfriend (fiance?) Pat. When their car breaks down in Ridgewood Ohio, they decide to wait at a diner while the mechanic fixes the issue. Each booth in this diner features a strange fortune telling machine which accepts a penny and produces a cryptic fortune on a slip of paper.
Don, who is "superstitious" becomes obsessed with the answers provided by the machine and begins allowing the vague fortunes to make his decisions for him. He believes that it is unsafe to leave the town they are in at a certain time and then debates if they should leave at all.
So what makes "Nick" a classic while "Fever" is virtually forgotten?
Perhaps the big name in "Nick of Time" makes it more memorable, but the story works far better than it does in "The Fever".
While both feature men obsessed with machines, "The Fever" tackles one night of gambling addiction. Sad, but we do not get as much of a sense as to who Franklin is other than grumpy. He complains that if he wins they should cut and run, but then continues to lose until he has nothing left.
Don is a warmer character. While his mania might not seem as dangerous as a gambling problem (after all, Don hardly spends all of their money on the fortune teller), he definitely exhibits the symptoms of OCD, which in a way is even more terrifying, because it is so irrational. Sure, we would all love to hit the jackpot. Yes, people lose it all trying to gain everything, but there is no gain in allowing a plastic machine with a small devil head on top run your life.
The questions Don asks are specific and the machine gives him an answer. An answer that might fit any question, but to Don it most definitely is the answer to his own. It renders him immobile and unable to be accountable for his own life or his own choices. Someone with OCD often becomes trapped in a ritual which might seem silly or mundane to outsiders, but to them it means everything. Life or death. The life or death of their loved ones. Everything.
The other thing that I love about, "Nick" is Pat, Don's lady friend. It was always unclear to me what their actual relationship is. They aren't married, that much I know, but Pat is different from most Twilight Zone romantic interests. Perhaps Pat's lack of marital status contributes to this.
It always seemed to me that there are two archetypes of a wife in The Twilight Zone; a meek mouse or a shrieking shrew. Flora would definitely fit the meek type. She is loving and gentle for sure, but she spends most of the episode hanging on Franklin's back pleading with him to come away from the slot machine. Pat is neither meek nor is she shrill. She is one of the strongest Zone heroines who is romantically involved. She challenges Don without bullying him. She speaks to him on his level.
Often, in The Twilight Zone, a soon to be married woman may be naive and doe eyed prior to her impending nuptials. Pat seems to be up on her game. She knows Don enough to realize that he has a problem and she doesn't shrink at his will, yet she does reason with him and support him without being cloying. I had always gotten the sense that while Pat wouldn't have wanted to leave Don, if he was unable to leave Ridgewood, she would have orchestrated it one way or another.
Of course, the twist at the end of "Nick" is much better than "Fever". In "Nick", Pat and Don leave the diner with confidence and drive off as another couple who has been apparently stuck for days approach the very same fortune telling machine and begin methodically asking it if they will be able to leave Ridgewood today. Now we are left with a question. Was it all in Don's mind or does the machine itself actually have the power to predict the future? Is this couple suffering from a mental illness?
In "Fever", we see the evil slot machine appear next to Franklin's dead body to spit his last dollar back at him when he no longer needs it. Too bad Flora couldn't pick it up, because unless she kept her own stash under her mattress, her husband has left her broke.
Somehow, the endgame just isn't as powerful, even if Don and Pat got to walk away alive.
Posted by Sesheta at 2:06 PM
Friday, December 20, 2013
I have had some "guilty pleasures" in the past, but for the most part I don't find "reality" television to have much basis in reality and I don't care about the drama. Maybe that's why I watch so many animated shows! That's not reality.
So, I am not going to mention by name the reality series that I am referring to here, because frankly I am sick of reading about it and to be honest, I've never watched more than two seconds of it because it doesn't interest me.
What annoys me about this recent uproar is that, like many times, people who are defending hateful comments by means of stating that the perpetrator should not be penalized by the network that runs his show are doing so by arguing the first amendment.
The first is this pretty awesome thing we have which allows you to say (almost) anything you want without being arrested. What you say is mostly legal. I say mostly, because if you are threatening violence against a person or people or claiming that you are intend to do something destructive in a public place, you can be detained. This is one instance when what you say can be met with arrest. For instance, I recently read that a day prior to the awful Sandy Hook shooting, a high school student was taken into custody for telling friends he wanted to hatch a plot to harm people in his school. He was arrested. In custody, the boy watched the horrors of the successful school shooting that claimed the lives of not just teachers, but (as we know) students. He broke down in tears.
Even if he never intended on following through with it, his friends were concerned enough to tell authorities who wanted to make sure that this didn't happen.
I have my own take on the famous Voltaire quote about free speech.
Here is the original:
"I do not agree with a word you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
Here is my version:
"I do not agree with a word you say, but I defend your right to say it. However, I retain the right to call you an asshole."
I don't really want to die. I'm only 34! Maybe I would defend someone's right to free speech to the death. In fact, I might be willing to die to protect this right, but, while I appreciate the sentiment I don't feel the need to put it in my own motto. Forgive me if it takes the power from my own words.
Anyway, let's get to the second part of this. If you make an ass comment, you open yourself up to being called on what you say as, well, assholish. If you do this in a public forum and you happen to be a public figure, you can say whatever you wish, but the public (being products of free speech as well) can pass judgement on your for your words.
"Choose your words wisely. They may be your last."
I cannot find a definitive source for the quote above, though it seems to be attributed to the film, "Ever After", which is one of my favorite guilty pleasures.
Regardless, if you are a politician, a recording artist, an actor, a journalist, or a reality television personality, you have the right to say whatever you choose, but since your words will reach so very far, you should choose them wisely. Because while you may be protected from arrest by the government, the private company that signs your paycheck may has the right to protect its own image by distancing itself from you.
Posted by Sesheta at 7:39 AM
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
When my great grandmother had decided she was leaving Austria for the United States, her mother (my great, great grandmother) wouldn't leave her bed. She refused to see her daughter and thus their relationship was severed in this act.
Posted by Sesheta at 6:00 AM